[問題] 這樣寫 Introduction ，好嗎?

claire165

這樣寫 Introduction ，好嗎?
我挑個托福曾考過的Opinion類題目：”Do you like to eat out or eat at home?” 試寫它的Introduction 如下：

"I loved to eat as a kid. I would eat anything out of my mom’s cooking. My mom used to cook the best chicken soup on earth, and the way she prepared the stir fried rice was so fantastic that I just kept eating and eating, bowl after bowl. Man, my mom fed me so well I became the fattest boy at my grade school and high school. She was the best mom in the whole world. My mom’s cooking was good, but I also liked to eat off the street vendors. They’ve got a wide variety of foods, like steamed stinky tofu, steaks, fried octopus ball, oily rice, and many other kinds you can think of. But you know what? My favorite of all time was deep fried chicken nugget Taiwanese style. No other fried chickens prepared in other cultures ever come close to our yummy chicken nugget, I tell you. So, I love homemade dishes and street food, but if I have to choose between them, I would probably go for street food. It just has more choices, and the thought of eating out alone kills me – the adventure of finding the food I like, the tasting of it, and of course the hot chicks swirling around me. That’s why I vote for dining out.”

我自己的分析如下：

1. 易讀 – 長、短句交叉使用，沒有太多複雜句型。
2. 易懂 -- 用字簡單，恰到好處的連接詞。
3. 相同字、內容不重複。
4. 時態、文法ok。

這樣子的開頭，ok嗎! 從1 (最糟)到6 (最棒)，你會打幾分?

英語論壇英文字彙 昨達百萬